Expecting Accountability In Open Source

For the longest time in my professional career and while contributing to free and open source software communities, I have struggled with expecting accountability from others. Much of this came from the anxiety that I experienced during the process of holding someone accountable. It often stemmed from concerns about potential conflicts, fears of being perceived negatively or doubts about self-worth. The situation only worsened when it were my friends that I was seeking on holding responsible for their decisions. It made me wonder if at all it was worth risking relationships just to get things done, or if I should rather settle for compromise.

That is, of course, a rhetorical question. I do not want to look like a surgeon who amputates an entire arm just because of a papercut on the little finger. I cannot expect the situations to change if I give up on individuals entirely just to avoid potential friction. After all, letting folks know about how uncomfortable the situation feels is often the best way to prevent the dangerous precedents created from instances of irresponsibility. Since accountability is a two-way street, I want to use this reflective (and possibly, therapeutic) post to share some grounded strategies that I rely on – and maybe, they will be useful to you too someday.

Assume best intentions

Last minute meeting cancellations are frustrating – especially when someone gives you the same excuse for the forty second time. But still, assume (not necessarily believe) that they missed the one-one meeting because their truck indeed broke down again. It is of paramount importance to reduce defensiveness by assuming that they are doing their best and figuring out what could be improved. Maybe the meeting time just doesn’t work for them — but that is not worth straining the relationship over. It is crucial to create an environment that is safe for owning mistakes, not one focussed on determining who is right or wrong in an argument.

Elucidate your objective

If you are anything like me, the very thought of being misinterpreted must fill you with excruciating pain. Clarifying where you are coming from helps communicate that you are asking for responsibility (not justification) and improvement (not punishment). This metaphorical white flag prevents others from feeling blindsided or attacked while establishing that both sides are trying to achieve the same goal in different subjective ways. Of course, I have been guilty of over-explaining myself, and that has only opened doors to weakened conviction and unnecessary debate. So, definitely stick to being clear while staying concise in these conversations.

Assemble your facts

Keeping track of what actually happened is perhaps the best way to ensure that the conversation stays grounded and objective. As someone who is good at crucial conversations but avoids unnecessary conflicts, this silver bullet has increased the likelihood of my concerns being taken seriously. I have also noted that people are more open to feedback when I emphasize observable behaviours over subjective opinions. By focusing on what requires changing and respecting their dignity, the energy in the conversation is directed more toward fixing things and personal improvements, and less toward venting problems or emotional escalation.

Discomfort is expected

While it might sound silly until put into practice, deep breaths truly help calm the fight-or-flight system. During synchronous conversations like calls, a pause creates a mental buffer that can help you craft effective responses and avoid regrettable reactions. Heck, with asynchronous conversations like emails, sleep on it - even though it can be difficult to shake off the uncomfortable feeling - so you can return with an emotional state that you are in control of. For what it's worth, the energy spent steadying your nerves under pressure helps build your resilience for future exchanges, which might be just as uncomfortable but necessary, at the same time.

Consider the conditions

If time travel were possible, I would tell my younger self that conversations are inherently difficult. There are many ways things can backfire, so one must choose their tone and timing intentionally to ensure the message is respected and requests are enacted. While you should approach people in good faith, it is important to be explicit about the same to avoid assumptions of conflict. If someone is stressed or unprepared, wait it out - you need to ensure that your message lands effectively while respecting their state of mind. Of course, don’t wait forever - but definitely establish a professional standard for emotional protection in conversations.

Rehearse with friends

Or contributors. Or associates. Or managers. Basically, anyone you feel safe with. Rely on them to vent your problems while preparing your messaging. Once they help you avoid unclear language, emotional tone, or unintended blame, your message can become more refined in purpose, and you can become more confident in your stance. Practicing crucial conversations with your safe people helps build your (and arguably their) resilience, so those become more natural going forward. Also, if you are like me who overthinks their problems, these safe conversations help you cut to the chase without spiralling into perfectionism and agitation.

Recognize your safety

I wrote this, but I know it will take me at least a decade more to fully internalize this idea into practice. I often find myself checking my messages - every now and then - after sending an accountability expecting request because, somehow, my imposter syndrome leads me to believe that it is not my place to ask questions. Of course, I could not be more mistaken in believing so when outcomes, relations and commitments are on the line. My mental trick is evaluating which is worse - myself being misinterpreted or them breaking commitments - and suddenly, my doubts start clearing away, and I find myself composing an email or message to folks.

Believe me, as someone who has been misunderstood many times, I know just how tricky it can be to resist the temptation to let things slide. But casting problems aside would only mean that I do not care enough about the professional career and community circles I contribute to. That is not me, and I am pretty sure you feel the same way too. Our perspectives are valid, and we do not need permission to raise concerns. As building confidence is a continuous journey, we should set a healthy precedent of shared responsibility and an open culture that rewards commitment to authority fairness and willingness to raise concerns of the people involved.

Embrace imperfect outcomes

This one, like the previous point, is a mindset shift, and it will take a considerable period before it comes naturally. Conversations expecting accountability often end up in splitting the differences to ensure both sides are comfortable with what was agreed upon. I could be willing to deliver 150% of my potential, but it would be criminally wrong on my part to expect the same from others. Acknowledging that growth and fixing can be complicated, accountability should be viewed as a long-term goal to work toward, rather than an immediate remedy. Such exchanges need both parties to be flexible and focused, with emphasis on potential over perfection.

Being an evolving process, accountability requires a flywheel effect, where the role of driving it shifts among folks to maintain momentum. Since accountability is a two-way street, questions will be raised about your commitment too - but holding the same standards you expect from others will resolve that situation. In a culture where growth is rewarded, your pursuit of accountability can become sustainable, with people joining your efforts and personal relationships getting better. You will have more success making an influential change with most (if not all) hands on deck and taking it gradually, rather than expecting things to transform overnight.